Shelly Rudolph

SONG NOTES: This song appeared sweetly and mysteriously unbidden, as they are wont to do, one glorious July morning. It became my mantra, as I beamed my way through the chores and doings of the day. And then I hit my head, with great vigor, on the corner of a marble table and was taken out of daily chores and doings for several months. Thrown into the "opportunity" to choose fear or love/peace. The song returned to me as desperately needed musical medicine right around election time, 2016. You can watch the work in progress HERE. Thank you! 

IF YOU
  
If you told me everything  I wanted to hear 
Gave me a ring whispered in my ear 
Shuddered my soul with earthly delights 
Dreamed by my side all through the night 
  
If you watched me walk with a kiss on your lips 
Knew up and down and in and out the glory of this 
Fell on your knees just to touch my hair 
Swallowed me whole and laid your soul bare 
  
Would I know it? Would I trust it? 
Would I know it or would I run away?
  
If you called me up just to hear my voice 
Spoke nothing but the truth 'cause you had no other choice 
Let yourself go in spite of your fear 
Reached for my hand to show you were near 
  
If I tell you all my secrets, deeper than I ever know 
Will you wash over me, and promise that you’ll never go 
  
If you told me everything I wanted to hear 
Gave me a ring whispered in my ear 
Shuddered my soul with earthly delights 
Dreamed by my side all through the night 
  
If I tell you, what will you do? What will you do?

AMMA

As she fell to the ground 
her soul flew over me,
eyes wide, no sound out loud but 
the wall screamed right through me 
  
As she sank into bed 
suffocation, the life she’d led 
no sound I made out loud but 
the walls came tumbling down 
  
Amma, Amma could you leave me? 
  
As she dropped into the sea 
I held my breath, could there be 
a chance for peace 
one moment at least 
but I left her all alone 
though in the dark I could see 
  
Amma, Amma, can you forgive me? 
  
When memories are want to be forgotten 
When a year is lost to sleep 
When the sand is deep 
And the body’s weak 
And words don’t speak 
  
Now it seems, she’s free 
She’s leading me back to me 
  
Amma, Amma..
I follow you, you follow me… 
  

FLY

I love the feeling when he picks me up at five 
Coming up the drive with his let’s go eyes 
He smiles wide and I thrill inside 
Yes I thrill inside 
  
I love the way he just takes me there 
Never asking why 
Guess I’m just a girl who likes a guy 
With a fast car, let’s go far 
And the top’s always down 
Life is spinning around 
And I think I could fly 
  
I love the feeling when every thing is true 
all the trying lying  stops and love shines thru 
I smile wide and I thrill inside 
Yes I thrill inside 
  
I love the way you just mmmmm 
Don’t ask me why 
guess I’m just a girl, who likes a guy 
who can light up this heavy world 
turn it all upside down 
Life is spinning around 
And I think I could fly 
  
From this wrung out life 
This spun out alibi 
From this worn out life 
This unspoken lie 
I think I could fly 
  
I love the feeling when the lights are all on me 
Knowing you can see me 
See me breathe 
I cannot hide 
And I thrill inside, oh I thrill inside 
I think I could fly, fly, fly

MILES AWAY

The smallest gesture it would’ve taken and I’d be yours 
a kiss goodnight that didn’t end in a question and I’d be yours 
  
And you knew that, and you knew that 
so you tied your hands, shut your eyes 
darkened your ears, to my blanketed sighs 
  
and look where it’s gotten me 
miles away from you 
and look where it’s gotten me 
miles away from you 
just making myself blue 
  
the smallest gesture it would’ve taken and I’d be yours 
my expectations forgot and forsaken and I’d be yours 
a slip of the tongue, the tilt of the sun 
and I’d be yours 
  
and I knew that, and I knew that 
so I held my hands, closed my eyes 
drew the curtains, cried inside 
  
And you know I tried to keep quiet 
for the neighbors, for my pride, for the brighter side 
  
a slip of the tongue, the tilt of the sun and I’d be yours 
a dream of a man, a ring in his hand and still I’m yours 
  
Look where it’s gotten me, miles away from you 
yes I let him kiss me, but he’s miles away from you 
look where it’s gotten me, miles away from you 
  
just making myself blue, making myself blue. 
 

RIPEN ME

Blossom my branches, for all to see 
Cherry my hair and set me free 
Sun me over, breeze through my leaves 
Juice my fruit, bite into me 
  
Snake song singing, slither my limbs 
Send my soul winging, send me to him 
Start me over, breathe into me 
Fill my cup, drink from me 
  
Patience I’m not, what purpose is this 
Ripen me world, ripen me 
  
Unfold my tale, make mermaid of me 
Fill my nets, sail my seas 
Start me over, breath into me 
Soar to my depths & set me free 
  
Start me over, breathe into me 
Juice me fruit, bite into me 
  
Ripen me world… 
Come on down and baby get with me 
Come on over and set me free 
I’m ready!

ORFEA

Now morning falls, Chet Baker gray 
and it’s already afternoon 
with grace and hallelujah on my fingertips 
can it really be that I feel you? 
  
She dreamt of your funeral and you were there, 
saying it will all be over soon 
I entered the chapel, dressed in denial 
and these lips that never say goodbye 
  
oh I want you to love me, I want you to love me 
but there’s not one thing I can do 
oh I want you to love me, I want you to love me 
but there’s not one thing I can do 

So I’ll go down that river, bring my two-way fare 
I’ll go down that river, meet the dreamers there 
and I won’t look back and I won’t sit down 
I’ll let you sleep in the dark 
I’ll trust you’re there put your words behind me 
I’ll sing you home to the light you can’t see 
I’ll trust you’re there count your steps behind please 
  
Give me a try, give me something 
give me a try, give me some way 
to win you, to love you, to save you 
  
I dreamt I was running through shining pebbled streams 
yes there was help along the way 
and I can’t help feeling that I was getting somewhere 
perhaps that was just to keep me going, going, going 
  
oh I want you to love me, I want you to love me 
but there’s not one thing I can do 
and I’ll go down that river------ 
  
to win you, to love you, to save you, to lose you 
 

A SONG 4 THE KIDZ

why you nuh give me your love, no 
why you nuh give me your love, no 
your love, no 
your love, no 
  
you said I was pretty, you said I was all that 
you gonna take me here, you gonna show me what 
the stars are feeling when they shine their light 
what the moon is doing when it’s up all night 
so I said ok baby, that’s how it’s gonna be 
you’re gonna give your love to me 
I said ok baby, that’s how it’s gonna be 
we’ll live together ever after happily 
  
so I gave you a kiss, I gave you the eye 
I was waiting for your touch, I was waiting to sigh 
  
you said sweet thing, can you give me another chance 
I turned away, then you started to dance 
with your arm around my waist and a smile ‘pon your face 
I thought what would Buddha do in my place 
so you gave me a kiss, you gave me the eye 
you turned down the lights, then you waved goodbye 
  
now maybe I was wrong to take you back 
but you were right when you told me I’m all that 
so I say ok baby, that’s how it’s gonna be 
you’ll see what you’re missing when you’re not kissing me 
so I say ok baby, that’s how it’s gonna be 
you’ll see what you’re missing when you’re missing me 
  
and you’ll say.. 
why you nuh give me your love, no?
come on baby and a give it to me...
  

BOYS AND GIRLS
 
It’s a reflection, not perfection 
By any length of a mile 
And now I’ll sleep 
just to show you I can 
just to show you I can 
but you won’t understand 
Like a woman would 
  
I’ll be reaching out & over & through 
Wishing I’d stop, wishing that you 
Would do something storybook 
Like you should, like you should 
  
And then you shiningly appear 
With lips and arms and smiles 
I melt into your arms 
I melt into your charms 
like a girl would 
Just like a girl would 
  
You kiss me up and lead me to bed 
You kiss me up and lead me to bed 
like a boy would 
like a boy would 
like a boy should? 
  
The words remain unsaid 
the words remain unsaid 
And I pretend that it’s all in my head 
like a girl would, like a girl would 
just like a girl should? 
  
It’s a reflection not perfection 
why do ya do me like you do me baby,
why do you do that?
 

WATER IN MY HAND

In the bath Barcelona plays 
eyes close, flames ablaze 
water drips off of my hair 
through my lashes you appear 
  
in all your arching glory 
you stretch yourself before me 
in this our endless story 
I long for endings only 
  
You slip through my fingers 
You slip through my fingers 
You slip through my fingers 
You slip through my fingers 
You’re like water in my hand 
  
En el bano Barcelona juega 
Cerrados ojos, llamas en llama 
Mi cabello goteando agua 
Apareces por mis pestanas 
En toda tu gloria 
Antes de mi te estiras 
En nuestra historia sin fin 
Solo deseo los, fines 
  
you don’t want me to stay 
you don’t want me to go 
well I know what I want 
and I want you just so 
let me love you 
  
in the dark there is just this 
aguardiente and a kiss 
shadows fall across my face 
close my eyes but it’s too late...
  

ALREADY HAVE 

You wanna know just how I feel 
When you tell me you’ve other hearts to steal 
You wanna know the way you make me feel 
When you tell me I’ve lost my appeal? 
  
You want me to forget you baby yea? 
Forget the love that we had? 
You want me to forget you baby? 
Well I think, I think I already have 
  
You wanna go, let me down real slow 
Well I’m doing alright, goin’ out tonight 
You wanna go let me down real slow well 
Don’t worry ‘bout me because you’ve set me free 
Free at last 

You want me to forget you baby 
Well I think, I think I already have 
  
And I didn’t lose sleep, didn’t even drink 
So what do you think of the power of your love? 
You want me to, you want me to 
You want me to forget you baby 
Well I think I already have 
  
You want me to, you want me to 
You want me to forget you baby 
Well I think I already have 
  
Oh yea I already have. 

SO I LIED

All the blues were in the sky 
And me here down below 
So I looked straight up at you 
So I lied, so I lied. 
  
In that weakness, in your stare 
I forgot why I was there 
In that madness 
I said yes yes 
yes. 
  
All the blues were in the sky 
And me here down below 
So I looked straight up at you 
So I lied, so I lied 
  
In that weakness 
In your stare 
I forgot why I was there 
In that madness 
I said yes yes 
yes. 
  
And I’d do it again 
I know I’d do it again 
  
Cause all the blues were in the sky 
And me here down below… 
 

JUST AROUND THE CORNER

Starving for your touch, are my appetites too much? 
Oh but how you tease them 
Looking in your eyes, you brush my hair aside 
It curls ‘round your finger 
Quiet my heart, quiet that spark 
But I wish your hand would linger 
Tell myself that you feel the way I do 
Lord just let me be her 
  
Keep my words safe inside this aching tenderness I hide 
You can’t or won’t or shouldn’t care, I tell myself that I don’t care 
I’ll just take any sweetness you can spare 
I’ll take any sweetness you can spare 
  
Lying next to you, I snuck in like a fool 
to watch you while you’re breathing 
tell myself that you, feel the way I do 
why am I always leaving? 
  
I am all too aware, your hand in mine’s a brief affair 
I’m succumbing all the while to the siren’s song of denial 
I’ll just take any sweetness you can spare 
I’ll take any sweetness you can spare 
  
Keep my words safe inside this aching tenderness I hide 
You can’t or won’t or shouldn’t care, I tell myself that I don’t care 
I’ll just take any sweetness you can spare 
I’ll take any sweetness you can spare 
  
Dreaming of the day, you wake me up to say 
My beauty overthrew ya. I tell myself to pray, tell myself today 
You’re turning ‘round my corner 
Begging for my touch, loving me too much 
It’s just around the corner…

HIDDEN MOONLIGHT

How I ache for the taste in your mouth to be mine 
how I ache for the taste in your mouth to be mine 
as I humor my lips with the lick of your name 
  
yes, the sweetness is there but it doesn’t linger 
the sweetness is there but it doesn’t linger 
it does not linger and consume me 
and stir me, and soothe me 
  
the way the promise of your shoulder 
carries me to sleep 
the way the ever of your voice 
unsteadies my knees 
  
the way the story of your coming 
becomes my undoing 
my undoing 
my undoing 
  
how I ache for the taste in your mouth to be mine
how I ache for the taste in your mouth to be mine  
as I tease my lips with the shape of your name 
as I tease my lips with the shape of your name 
  
let your moonlight be mine
let your moonlight be mine.